Lint of My Mind
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Michiel D. Dillon's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 | | 12:43 am |
Same Sex Marriages. My Jack Assed Opinion and Why You Are Wrong. Well, California has started having same sex marriages. Good for them! I never understood the problem people have with same sex marriages or homosexuality in the first place. Ya, I know, some people have religious reasons and think it is a sin and God hates fags, and all that crap. Well they are wrong. I know they are wrong because I spoke to God, and It told me those people are full of shit, and although God does not hate anyone, if It did, those intolerant, bigots would be near the top of Its' list. But since God loves and tolerates everyone, and there is no Hell, God told me the only punishment these bigots will get is a slap to the back of the head when they reach the after life, and a stearn, "What were you thinking?" (Seriously, God is pretty hip once you get to know It better, and is also a surprisingly good cook.) I think the arguement that I have heard that makes the least sense, is that allowing homosexuals to marry will damage traditional heterosexual marriages. How!?! Well, I never can seem to get an answer on that one. How does two homosexuals being married impact your marriage in any way, shape or form? You're still married. If your marriage is so fragile that two married homosexuals down the street will endanger it, I guarantee that your marriage sucks already and the gays getting hitched is not your biggest problem. Oh. Wait. I get it. A lot of the opponents to same sex marriage are worried that if the option to marry the same sex exists, they will be forced to go gay. Because that is the only thing stopping most people from being gay, is that marriage isn't available. Why would anyone marry the opposite sex when you can marry one of your own and avoid all those Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus issues? Why should I put up with some bitchy woman on her period once a month, when I can marry my best buddy, and enjoy a football game in peace? You ever ask yourself the question, "Whose dick do I have to suck to get a little peace and quiet around here?" Well if I marry a man, now I have an answer to that question. And as far as sex goes, I bet I can convince my new husband that we would both be happier going out and picking up some chicks, because as cool as this same sex marriage thing is, I need a little poon tang once in a while. I know this would not be a problem, because any man I found worthy of marrying would like pussy as much as I do... duh. I know, I know. I'd make a horrible gay man. My girlfriend tells me that all the time. Plus I have an overly sensitive gag reflex. Seriously though, I don't think marriage should even be a legal institution, but since that isn't going to go away anytime soon, I totally support same sex marriages, because this is America and slowly but surely we will give everyone the same rights and treatment as everyone else. I know America's track record on living up to that is shit, and if you disagree ask a Native American, an immigrant, a black person or a woman,... hell ask anyone. We all get screwed in one way or another, but at least this is one wrong that is being righted and I support it whole heartedly. If you are one of those people opposed to same sex marriage, you need to pull the stick out of your butt and stop trying to make other people live by your rules. By the way, it is not hard to remove the stick from your butt, as I am sure you can clearly see it being that your head is up there too. Just grab it with your teeth and it will come out when you pull your head out. Now go take a shower. Your hair smells, and you should probably brush your teeth too. Finally, I will point out my only reservation about whether legalizing same sex marriage is the right thing to do. The only problem I see with same sex marriage is that if you do not have sex before marriage, you could be in for a rude surprise on your honeymoon when you realize your wife has an eight inch clitoris and no vagina. But I don't advocate saving sex for marriage either. | | Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 | | 4:05 pm |
Aw crap! I'm getting the bug to get my boo on.
I'm not sure what has happened, but the last week or so, I just have been getting the bug to go build a haunted house.
I don't know if it is the weather, because I know I associate being hot and sweaty with the haunted house. Maybe it is just that time of year that I know that things need to be getting put together right now.
I only helped with the construction for two years, three if you count dismantling Nightmare Factory, but somehow, my brain is kicking into haunt mode.
I want to grab a screw gun and start putting crap together. I want to start painting things black. I want to decorate a scene, look at it and say that "needs more blood."
I know that everyone I know is tired of hearing me say that I wish I could start my own haunt. But man, I wish I could start my own haunt.
I would have no problems spending all my free time getting that together. Just give me a day job to pay bills, and I'll spend nights and weekends building.
Oh well, I'm not sure what is up, but man, the bug is starting to kick in, and I know all it is going to do is get worse the closer we get to September. | | Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 | | 12:48 am |
| | Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 | | 7:15 pm |
| | 4:50 pm |
An Awkward Conversation Hey Susan, how's it going? Am I crazy or are you pregnant?
I am not pregnant.
Oh thank god, I was worried it might be mine.
What do you mean, we've never had sex together.
That's what you think.
I think I would know if we had had sex.
Well, we have. Seriously, ask anyone.
Excuse me?
Well, you aren't exactly shy, now are you?
Is this some kind of joke, because I fail to see the humor in it.
No, we really did, if you want I can send you the link to the video. Which reminds me I need to give you your share of the profits.
I had no idea you were such an asshole.
I had no idea you were such a bitch, which is why I am glad you're not pregnant. By the way, I think you have gained weight since we shot that video.
| | Sunday, June 1st, 2008 | | 3:38 pm |
Couples that kidnap, rape and murder together. I saw a news story a while back about a couple that had kidnapped, held captive, sexually abused and then murdered people. As disgusting as that is, it got me wondering how these people find each other. You can't exactly place an ad in the paper for that. SWM seeks woman with eclectic tastes. Must enjoy trying new things, long walks in the park, and able to carry up to 175 lbs. Van owner a plus. Since you can't do that, at what point in the relationship do you make the suggestion? I see it going down like this. The husband is watching TV and the wife is reading the paper. He turns to her and says, "So... what do you want to do tonight?" "I don't know. Want to go to a movie? "No. We should do something a bit more adventurous." "Bowling?" "No." He pauses for a second, "Hey, I have an idea. It's a little weird, but hear me out. What if we went out and found some random stranger, kidnapped them, kept them in the basement as a sex slave for a while, and when we get tired of them, we can kill them and bury them in the back yard." She turns and looks at him with a surprised look on her face and says, "Do you know how long I have been waiting for you to say that? I'll get my coat." | | 3:21 pm |
Celebrities don't exist.
I have never seen a really famous person in real life, and neither has anyone I know.
This leads me to believe that they don't really exist, and are all computer generated.
I think what happens is when someone is starting to become famous, the government and the entertainment industry kills them off and makes a CGI version of them.
They even have the program slowly age the CGI celebrity. I think this explains why they never gain weight.
As an example, I don't think Keanu Reeves ever saw age 18. I think he was murdered after the first Bill and Ted movie.
My girlfriend doesn't believe me, and asked me to explain Tom Cruise or Brittney Spears. She says they have to be real because you can't fake that kind of crazy. I say the reason they are crazy is that they have bugs in their software.
As far as gaining weight, she says what about Kirsty Alley? She's famous and gained a lot of weight. I say that she was not that popular of a program, so they had the graphics team change her appearance to overweight. But when she got popular again, they tried to slim her down, but she lost popularity, so they reinstated the previous graphics and now she is fat again. | | Friday, May 30th, 2008 | | 4:17 pm |
Wow! Uncontacted tribe photos. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/05/30/brazil.tribes/index.html#cnnSTCPhotoThese are neat, because when you think about it, these are photos from the perspective of a UFO. These are photos taken by a technologically advanced race of people of another group who are less technologically evolved. It is interesting to see them all looking up to the sky to view the strange object flying overhead. I can imagine the fear and confusion this plane must have caused, as the people are aiming weapons at the plane. Even though we try to protect uncontacted tribes in the world, we have still contaminated the culture of this tribe. I am sure they have stories about the flying monster and how they scared it off with their bows and arrows. Does the plane coincidentally match something in their mythology? Will this be added to their mythology? It is just weird to think there are still people that have had no contact with the outside world, and how big of an event this simple fly over by an airplane must be for them. | | Thursday, May 29th, 2008 | | 2:37 pm |
How Rachael Ray almost made me become a terrorist. "Paisley" or jihad?" Dunkin' Donuts yanks Rachael Ray adGo read it... I'll wait... discussion will begin in just a minute. OK, now that your back, tell me, didn't that picture just scream, "Death to America?" I swear, there must be no better place to promote Muslim extremism, than in a Dunkin' Donuts ad. Nothing shows support for terrorists like a ditzy cook from the Food Network, of Sicilian and Cajun descent, who is such a corporate whore, that she will be a spokesperson for donuts. But just in case it wasn't already screaming at you to strap on some explosives and claim your 72 virgins, they put in a scarf. Holy crap! How am I supposed to resist that? And the children! What about our children? Now all I want to do is change religions, and car bomb something, and it is all the fault of Dunkin' Donuts, Rachael Ray and most of all... that damned scarf. ... Whew! That was close. I just saw a truck ad and I am back to my usual patriotic, red-blooded, American self. | | 9:30 am |
| | Tuesday, May 27th, 2008 | | 6:51 pm |
We got a new dog.  This is Karma. She is about two years old or so. She had been living in San Antonio with my friend Fernando for the last year. He found her wandering around his work as a stray and took her home. He say she was not convinced she was going to last the night, but she did. He is moving and can only keep one dog, so he is keeping Merlin, a dog he has had for years, and Machelle and I are taking Karma. She is a very sweet and mellow dog, and a but submissive. Fernando thinks she will do well here as she will get more attention from us than he could give her as he traveled a lot for work, and when home, Merlin would dominate and hog all of the attention. We got her yesterday, and she seems to be adapting ok. She is still not sure what to make of Butters, but she will get used to him. Butters is not totally happy as he is no longer the center of attention, but he seems to be getting used to it fast, as that is how it was when Kirin was alive. | | Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 | | 7:27 pm |
Quoting myself becase I amuse me...
"I really do not understand why so many Americans have a stick up their butt, but you have to admire the fact that at the end of that stick is a flag waving proudly in the wind." | | 1:37 am |
Who knew disco was so violent and racist? Yeah they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die , oh till you die
I just realized, they wanted the white boy to funk himself to death. And being that they referred to him as "white boy," that makes this a hate crime. | | Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 | | 11:46 pm |
Video from Funniest Person in Austin Contest 2008
This one doesn't make me cringe!
| | Friday, May 9th, 2008 | | 4:13 pm |
You know what is driving me insane?
One thing that has been driving me insane lately is how everyone seems to think the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I don't know where this stupid meme got started, but it is as annoying as the old phrase of, "It must not have been very important or you wouldn't have forgot it."
Both of those phrases make me want to respond with a simple, "Fuck you."
The weird thing is, I think most people that tell you this crap actually believe that is the definition of insanity.
Maybe I am going insane because I keep expecting people to be smart enough to know that "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" is not really the definition of insanity, and to stop saying it. Maybe I am going crazy because I keep expecting people to stop being condescending pricks when they do say it.
Somehow, I don't think I will be going sane on this topic anytime soon.
For the record, the definition of insanity, according to Webster is
1: a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)
2: such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility
3 a: extreme folly or unreasonableness b: something utterly foolish or unreasonable | | 2:35 am |
My New Favorite Song I think it is actually better without the video. Either way, give it a listen. I discovered this song at CMA Beltane, of all places. Machelle and I were at our tent on Saturday night, and we heard several people at the vendor down the road singing this. We went to revels and came back about an hour later. I went to take a whiz, and I noticed they were not only still singing this song, but had come up with a whole group dance around the song. And of course one guy in a bath robe dancing like Buffalo Bill. It was one of the most psychotically hilarious things I have ever run across. When they were done, one of the guys asked my what is more wrong that they were singing and doing this dance, or that I stopped to watch. I told him that the problem with his question is that it assumes that I think there is something wrong with it. I told him I totally approve and that it is good to know I am not the only fucking weirdo out there. Interesting side note. The actor that played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs is Ted Levine, who is currently playing Captain Leland Stottlemeyer on "Monk" That means that the guy in the above video is also this guy. http://www.imdb.com/media/rm404592640/nm0505971 | | Thursday, May 8th, 2008 | | 2:33 am |
Bad Audio Version of My FPIA Set.
Video will be coming soon, but if you are curious, here is the audio, with a nice focus on Machelle and her friends laughing at the bit. | | Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 | | 1:47 pm |
FPIA - Results
Well I did not move forward, yet again.
I had a great set, and even though my nerves never fully went away while I was on stage, they were almost non-existant after I made my first joke, I know they did not show, and even so, I was pretty comfortable up there. I was getting steady and strong laughs throughout the set. My pacing was good, and according to Machelle, I did better about spending less time on the set up and getting to the joke. I knew I was doing well when I was up there. When I was done, I knew I did well, and may have even given a performance worth moving forward, because I did give a performance worth moving forward.
Seriously, I had a great set. I actually thought I had a chance last night, after I performed. I was 9th out of 16 people, so I had a sweet spot in the line up, but I was just happy to not be going first for a third year in a row.
The winners were Jeremy Neal, and Trey Galyon, both of them I knew were givens to go forward before the show started. Fred Bothwell moved forward. I knew with Fred it just depended on which Fred showed up that night, well the good Fred showed, and honestly, I laughed the hardest at his set and maybe Treys. The final winner was a guy named Nick Ramirez. I know he does open mics, but I had never seen him. He was funny, but not real funny, and not really memorable either.
I feel a bit like I got robbed and if not me, some other comic got robbed. I can name at least three or four other comics that did better than Nick did, including myself. If this was Last Comic Standing, I could totally, and with confidence say, "I know I am funnier than Nick Ramirez." Even if I did not win, there are other people I would have much rather have lost to based on their performances.
Honestly, before they said Nicks name, I thought the last slot was going to be for either me or Holly Lorka, who went on right after me. I also could have seen Sean Mooney, Kat Williams or Michael Stansbury taking it, and I would have been OK with that result. Hell Brian "Lucky" Jacobs even did well, normally he doesn't but last night he had a great set. I could see him moving forward over Nick.
I don't want to knock Nick, he was funny, but not that funny. Some of it was just a bit weird. He is someone that I would say if he keeps at it, he might be serious competition next year... but not this year. Even though only one other person could have made it, I feel like several comics were robbed last night by this decision. Because even if you did not win, it is nice to know you lost to the best, or that it came down to a matter of personal taste.
Again, if Holly Lorka made it, and I did not, I can still feel I was in the running, and that these particular judges liked lesbian humor more than my weirdness, and that I probably lost on what appeals to these particular judges, not because they cant distinguish between the good comics and the not so good comics.
Oh well, I am happy with the set, and I'll post the video when I get it. Which, by the way, has ZERO cuss words in it. I spent the last day or so, practicing the bits to remove all of that. So this you can actually show to your children,... well your older children.
I like this set better than previous ones as it is not offensive in any parts like they were in the past. This was more of just your plain ole Michiel weirdness. If I had to use one word for the set as a whole, I would say absurdist humor, but not all of it was.
I had been worried about what to do since I did not have lots of new material, so I put in what I could and came up with the set list about two nights before hand. But what was interesting was how the jokes evolved as I was practicing them. I ended up editing them, and even adding new tags to jokes that I had never written or performed before. In other words, I stumbled on to little add ons that I knew were funny and was confident enough to put it in even though I never practiced the joke with that line in it at an open mic to test it out.
I feel like a real comic again. I feel like a comic that got ripped off last night, but I know I was good. I know what I pulled together in the last three months and in the last couple of days.
So, back to open mics, and maybe my 7th year in the contest will yield some results.
P.S. I would like to thank, Janis, her friend Sarah, and Chris Green for coming out last night, as well as Machelle's friends Karen and Eva, and from the Nightmare Factory, Steve and Sharon, and Spencer and Kat. Oh and Machelle because she would be pissed if I did not mention her one more time in this post .:-)
P.P.S. Oh, all of the above people agreed that Nick should not have moved forward that it should have been me, or Holly or a couple other people. So, it is not just me, being a sore loser, it really is a mysterious choice. | | Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 | | 2:43 pm |
We used to be so easily entertained. It's funny what went viral, before the term, "going viral" was coined. http://www.webhamster.com/The internet has come a long way. | | Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 | | 3:51 pm |
Tuesday, May 6th - Funniest Person in Austin Contest - I'll be performing. That is my night of the contest in the final round of prelims. Anyone interested is welcome to come out. I have passes good for two people each for anyone that wants some. Let me know and we can either hook up before next Tuesday or I can meet you in front of the club the night of the show. In case you are wondering, it looks like it should be a good show. My personal favorites are Jeremy Neal and Trey Galyon, both amazingly good comics. There is also Sean Mooney, Michael Stansbury, Kat Williams, Chance Royce, Brian 'Lucky' Jacobs, and Amy Samet are also quite funny. But a great reason to come out is to see Austin, comedy legend/institution/spectacle, Fred Bothwell. If you have ever seen Fred, you know what I am talking about, and if not, come see him it is totally worth it, and I'll be happy to introduce you to him. Fred loves to meet people. And if all of that does not sell you, there are six other comics, Alex Garza, Bob Dipasquale, Chris Trew, David Dettmer, Holly Lorka, and Nick Ramirez that I have no info on, so there is potential for good or bad surprises there. And of course, I am on, and well, I do ok on stage too. |
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